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to go from one dark side to another Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "MakeMeStop!" journal:

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November 15th, 2006
07:40 pm


Hey kids-

Check out this MSNBC report on emotional eating!



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October 29th, 2006
09:20 pm


Hi all,

I'm posting here because I am currently struggling with body/eating issues, specifically a combination of bulimia and anorexia, and need as much support as possible.

Back Story:

Essentially, I gained a lot of weight senior year of high school/freshman year of college- stress eating, denial.

Then spring of my freshman year I began to diet, and exercise, and lost weight.

I am content with my body now, but the problem is, I am absolutely terrified of gaining the weight back. And so, I began a few months ago to purge, and some times binge and purge. Sometimes i feel the need to purge even if I had a decent and healthy meal or snack. But now I can't handle feeling full/satisfied - in fact I can't even tell if I am truly full or hungry any more. So sometimes I also really restrict what I eat, and deprive myself. However this usually leads to a binge/purge. Of course. It all makes sense, why I do it, but for some reason its spun out of control and I can't stop. I love food, but hate it...vicious cycle.

I also feel the need to exercise every day, and am getting a little too obssesive, to the point where I feel absolutely horrible and guilty if I miss a day. Most days I usually run for at least 45 min, but recently have been going for over an hour. I also lift weights twice a week, but add a 30 min run b/c i feel guilty if i dont do cardio, even though the weight workout on its own probably is sufficient. Notice the obsession?

I am always distracted by food, or thinking about what I ate/ what I will eat/what I should have eaten, etc.
I spend too much time examining myself from every angle in the mirror, trying on clothing, feeling my bones.

Recently peers in school have been telling me how much weight I have lost. This puts an enormous amount of pressure on me- and makes me wonder- did I look that awful before? What if I gained 5 pounds, would that make me disgusting again?

I want to stop this madness, and maintain my current weight without feeling the need to throw up everything I eat. I want to stop wasting so much precious time worrying about this!

I am also seeing a nutritionist, will see a therapist, but I want support from people going through the same stuff I am.

Friend me! I would love to discuss any of this with all of you, and help you too!

-glowing ember

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August 10th, 2006
06:00 pm


Hey all!
So I'm not sure I'm in the right place, but I figured its as good a place as any to start.  

I'm not bulimic per se, but I have a lot of bulimic tendencies, and they scare me to stay more on the anorexic side of things.  
At the moment I'm stuck in EdNos land because I'm waffling between a few years of recovery and wanting to go back to the way I was.
When I was diagnosed the first time I was violently anorexic with some very infrequen bulimic tendencies.  I recovered somewhat, gained so much weight I couldn't even function, and have been slowly clamoring back down ever since.  

I've gotten to the point now where I feel like I can't control the need to purge no matter how little I eat.  Can anyone else relate to this feeling?  I'm not sure if its the anorexic lifestyle I used to live desperately trying to right itself or if its just that I really have a problem with purging.  I don't even know what I'm talking about.  I'm just a little scared of what I've become.  

10 times in 3 days is too many times to hug the toilet.  Especially when I haven't taken in more than 300 calories a day.  

Just looking for a little understanding I guess.

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November 19th, 2005
09:56 pm


Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuugghhhhhhhhhhhh my stomach is so distended! I could easily be pregnant looking like this. and not just a little pregnant, but third-trimester pregnant.
I miss my old pre-mia body, from when I just fasted a lot. GOD I miss my old body. I never appreciated it. I want it back. And now I feel disgusting and nauseous and full all the time even when I do fast.
I feel so repulsive. The binging needs to stop. Needs to needs to needs to. How can I stop?

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September 22nd, 2005
10:53 pm


hey im new...

ive been ednos with mia tendencies for about 2 years now. i am 5'5" and 130 pounds. i cant disclose my name right now bc of the following reason:

girls at my school are nosy bitches who found my old lj where i was members of pro-ed communities and told my parents...thus i have been in counseling for 6 months.

i just need support...my parents took off the bathroom doors and they are monitoring my excercise...im working on restriction but i need encouragement. and i really just need to talk to anyone who understands...

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August 12th, 2005
10:59 am


hi i'm lauren just joined

Height- 5'2
weight - 138
lw- 112
gw- 90 ish
ed- ednos

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August 5th, 2005
12:27 am


hello. I'm new. Been bulimic for just over a year now. I really need help and support to get over this and into ana. :-( Throwing up 3 times a day for 365 days really takes a toll on your teeth and your sleep, and I've been losing my gag reflex, so it's imperitive that I do this. Please help me.

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August 1st, 2005
12:55 pm


X-posted everywhere

Hey everyone,
...mentions food, could triggerCollapse )

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July 27th, 2005
06:18 pm


kind of a strange question but....

In the hot weather of the summer months is it better to keep the AC really cold or keep it off?

I know your body burns lots of cals trying to adjust your body temp when your really cold, but does it burn more or less by sweating in the heat??

I know its random but I'm curious...

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July 26th, 2005
09:43 pm


rant...so sorry....i just hate life....Collapse )

Current Mood: sadsad

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